Breakfast of Runners Up

A couple weeks ago, I went into the ’bucks. That’s nothing new, I hit up the ’bucks every morning for a Triple Grande Nonfat Vanilla Latte and a Reduced Fat Cinnamon Swirl Coffee Cake. With tax its $6.05. I know, I’ve done the math and that equals my car insurance every month. But I don’t use my car insurance. I would have to get into a car accident every day to deliver the same joy as my not-too-sweat, slightly-diety breakfast.

But they did not have my Reduced Fat Cinnamon Swirl Coffee Cake that day.
The shit hit the fan. I asked to speak to the manager. Is there some sort of suggestion box? Can I email someone from corporate? Don’t they know that Reduced Fat Cinnamon Swirl Coffee Cake is the best breakfast ever? (that’s hyperbole, Vegetarian McGriddle is better, but more for special occasions (like hangovers)).

The manager did come out (just as I would come out if some irate customer was hassling my associates over a discontinued eye shadow). He assured me that he too loved Reduced Fat Cinnamon Swirl Coffee Cake, and that it wasn’t being discontinued. And he gave me another breakfast treat for free. (Oh, he’s the sort of guy I could introduce to my parents and he’d bring Sunshine Cupcakes (a Spring-seasonal treat)).

Its time for confession.

Forgive me Father for I have sinned: I have a crush on a Barista. It’s been 10 months since I liked another Barista. We broke up four months ago.

But, every time I go to that ’bucks, I find myself talking about Reduced Fat Cinnamon Swirl Coffee Cake. “Glad you got Reduced Fat Cinnamon Swirl Coffee Cake back in.” Or, “ I see you got Reduced at Cinnamon Swirl Coffee Cake again.”

It’s a miracle I’m not a 800-pound virgin.