The Scent of the Afterlife

A woman purchased a bottle of perfume on Monday. I admired her conviction; most customers need to hear about every note before consenting to try a sample. Most customers tell me a horror story of migraines and sneezes, and therefore I should just give them a free bottle because they won’t like it anyway. But not this woman. Not this Monday. She was ready to take home some perfume: scent on smelled.

On Wednesday she called, having been to hell and back, wanting a refund. Here is her story:

“I would like to return a bottle of perfume, I was allergic to it.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, we can exchange the product for something else. But we do not do refunds, it’s our store policy printed on the receipt and at the register.”

“You don’t understand. I sprayed it last night and went into anaphylactic shock and passed out. When my husband came home he found me unconscious in the bathroom and called the ambulance. They pumped my stomach, did a chest tube, and shocked me. I actually died for three minutes. My soul was above looking down at my body, and it smelled the perfume and my soul got a headache. “

“Wow, I’m so sorry to hear that. I wonder what you’re allergic to, so I can divert any other clients who may have that allergy.”

“I don’t think anyone will ever know. Allergies are so hard to figure out. They’d have to run tests.”

“I would think if you almost died, you’d want to know what your specific allergy is. And maybe get a bracelet talking about it. But, I’ll make an exception this time and refund your money.”

Honestly, I don’t believe her. And I don’t want to believe that a near death experience makes you realize how important seventy bucks is. But, she had the best story this week.